Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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