Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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