The maid of honor just puked.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
