I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
