Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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