when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
