I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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