youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
