Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
