so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
