I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just cut my nipple shaving
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
