i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
