do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
