apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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