Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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