Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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