I wish you could order shots online.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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