if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
