OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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