does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just pee around me
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
