Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
