Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
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