When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
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But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
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The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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