last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
