i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
