It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
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Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
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Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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