I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
