It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
