Betty ford says i'm here all night
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
