what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
