Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
