whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
