hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
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Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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