I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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