Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
