Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
