i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
