my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
