Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
