i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
