She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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