I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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