i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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