dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
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Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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