Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
