Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i believe in u and ur pee
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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