Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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