My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
