there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
