He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
