We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
