It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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