Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
