She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
