Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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