Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
3pm strippers are depressing
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
