I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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