My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
