i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
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