Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
