i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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