if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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