im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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