My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
