i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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