so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
