I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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